The Irrelevance of Itsuki Koizumi
by MissTheatricality
Summary: After tagging along with all of Haruhi Suzumiya's harebrained ideas, Koizumi finally has enough. Plus, the resurrection of Ryouko Asakura, and Yuki Nagato's reluctance to do anything about it finally pushes him over the edge.  T for violence/no honorifics
1. Preface

**IMPORTANT, PLEASE READ~**

**You may have seen this story on the fanfiction site AsianFanFics by author SoShiMyHeart. To get something straight, WE ARE THE SAME PERSON. Do not report this fanfic, as it is entirely my own work and I have not copied this from AFF.**

**Also, the main character Itsuki Koizumi is supposed to be out of character.**

**Love, MissTheatricality**

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><p>On her first day at North High School, Haruhi Suzumiya requested any espers, time-travelers or aliens currently attending the school to see her...<p>

…because regular people weren't interesting enough, apparently.

So she dragged my dear friend Kyon into starting her own school club, or her brigade, if you will.

And so, the SOS Brigade was formed, so that Miss Suzumiya could locate and befriend these espers, time-travelers and aliens she was positive she would find.

Little did she know that an esper, alien and a time-traveler currently resided as members of her brigade.

Mikuru Asahina; the time traveler, Yuki Nagato; the data interface - or alien, and myself; the esper.

But, you see, Haruhi's antics used to be entertaining for me, but now, I really have had enough. I'm tiring of her rash ideas. Constantly travelling to Closed Space, fixing her wrong-doings.

Who knows when I may snap.


	2. Chapter 1

**Okay, so I've never written in a guys perspective before. Okay yes, I've written as Freddie Benson before, but I haven't had 80-odd episodes of The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya to watch to familiarize myself with Koizumi's mind. So, as said, this story will be out of character for Koizumi.**

**Sorry if there's some missing apostrophes or other punctuation, I copied this from a notepad file.**

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><p>Another day, another trudge up the hill leading to North High School, another stop at the shoe lockers, another nonchalant walk down the hall leading to class 1-9, the feeling of calm shattered as the students enter. I don't fit in here.<p>

The girls in their sailor uniforms, chattering excitedly about who-knows-what, the guys in their jackets and ties grumbling and acting stupid, I don't fit in here.

They call me the pretty boy, teacher's pet, the suck-up, the different one. Oh, and I can't possibly forget 'the one with the weird hair'. I mean really, come on. My hair is not _that _weird, is it?

The impeccable one, the one with his shirt tucked in, the one with his tie the right length and the buttons of his shirt done up to a respectable level.

The one who is always smiling about everything and the one who agrees with everything.

The irrevocably happy one.

You see guys like Taniguchi, the player. Kunikida, the innocent one. Kyon, the serious one.

I still don't fit in here.

Esper?

I fit in there.

But how many other students attending North High are espers?

The SOS Brigade?

I fit in there.

But how many other students - besides the other four members- in their right mind would join?

The Organization?

Do I even fit in there anymore? One of the lowest ranks?

Where do I, Itsuki Koizumi, pretty boy, fit in?


	3. Chapter 2

**Hello, how am I doing so far? Decent, I hope.**

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><p>Ryouko Asakura. The humanoid data interface. Supposedly disconnected, but in the year since recreated. She doesn't go to North High anymore; she is currently enrolled at Kouyou Academy. If she was given a second chance to observe Haruhi Suzumiya, then I am confused as to why she is attending a school so far away. Has she moved back into the same apartment building as Yuki Nagato? Or has she moved someplace closer to Kouyou? I am also confused as to why I was not informed of Ryouko's reformation sooner. I may only be low-ranking in The Organization, but how does that decline me a right to know of these things? Obviously Ryouko returning would affect Haruhi s mental state in some way, so I, as an esper with a close connection to her, have a right to know! Only finding out by hearing from others, I really don't know why I don't apparently have suitable rights to know.<p>

I decided to confront Yuki about these things, as she would surely be informed of new circumstances involving Ryouko.

"Good afternoon, Miss Nagato." I greeted her politely as I entered the clubroom on a Thursday after school.

Silence on Yuki's part, but a small nod of her head as an acknowledgment.

"Have you perhaps heard of new developments involving the reconnection of Ryouko Asakura?" I tried.

Yuki turned a page of her book. "Yes."

"Have you perhaps any idea why The Organization failed to inform me of this?"

"I have no ties with The Organization." Yuki replied expressionlessly. "Their business does not concern me. Maybe others, but not myself."

"Say, Miss Nagato, have you perhaps any idea why she was resurrected?"

"Yes."

"Would it be possible for you to tell me?"

Silence. Obviously not. Maybe it would be more fitting to ask Mikuru Asahina, instead. Wherever she could be...

Haruhi Suzumiya burst through the door at that moment, towing Mikuru and a big shopping bag.

Ah.

"You, out." Haruhi pointed at me, and then the door. I see, another dress-up session. I'd best be going then. I slipped out the door and listened to the now familiar shrieks and screams of Mikuru.

I think I'll have to ask her about Ryouko later, instead.


	4. Chapter 3

**Ooh, shiny new chapter, and longer than all my others. I'm on a roll here. **

**These chapters are the lead up. In upcoming chapters, Koizumi will slowly turn violent, masochistic and sadistic, but in the most realistic way I can possibly make it happen. I might have to bump the rating up to M if the violence aspect is a little.. yea.**

**I'm only thirteen.**

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><p>Haruhi Suzumiya. Such an… interesting character. There was once a time when I admired her, looked up to her, maybe even loved her. But of course, this was before Kyon entered the picture. Before there was an SOS Brigade, before Haruhi dressed Mikuru in provocative outfits, before I had transferred to North High, even. A time precisely three years ago. Come to think of it, where is Kyon anywa-<p>

"Hey, Koizumi." Kyon shuffled down the hall, bag over his shoulder.

"Oh, good afternoon." I flashed a smile. I thought I heard a groan from his direction.

"Why are you out-" a shriek came from the clubroom, followed by sobs. "Oh." Kyon began to go red.

The silence was unnerving. I briefly contemplated informing him of Ryouko Asakura's return, but that would probably result in him screaming down the hall with his hands over his head. After all, Ryouko did attempt to murder him.

"You can come in now!" Haruhi hammered on the door a few times.

"You would think she would tire of dressing up Miss Asahina constantly." I offered. Kyon just grunted and pushed open the door.

"Woah." Kyon's eyes widened. Haruhi was wearing her trademark beam, an arm around Mikuru Asahina's shoulders. What caught my attention first was that her outfit wasn't as… uh… revealing… as most of her cosplays hanging on the rack behind the whiteboard. Instead of feeling disgusted at what Haruhi dressed her in, as I usually did, I was pleasantly surprised. In fact, she looked quite stunning. Yet the outfit looked very familiar, had I seen her in it before?

Haruhi played with the satiny material of Mikuru's white shirt. "Doesn't she look lovely? I decided on a more realistic look for her this time."

Mikuru smoothed her black skirt and smiled. "I actually quite like this outfit. Wh..wh..what was I supposed to be again, Miss Suzumiya?"

"A teacher!" Haruhi's grin widened. "All of the teachers at this school are so drab; they've totally lost their sex appeal!"

"Sex appeal?" Kyon muttered under his breath.

"So I turned Mikuru here into what the teachers should totally look like! Don't you think we'd learn better if all the teachers were… were… moe? And sexy?" Haruhi continued.

Nope. "I think that outfit suits you perfectly, Miss Asahina." I smiled at her and bowed my head.

Oh, Haruhi. Do you really, honestly think that you're right? On what planet would students learn better if the teachers garnered sex appeal? The guys would spend most of their time trying to get a good look down the female teacher's shirt, and the girls would be too smitten and flustered by the male teachers to get any work done at all!

Haruhi clapped her hands eagerly and stood up on a chair. "Okay, everybody, commence club activities! Kyon, go update the website!"

"Nobody ever looks at our site. What's the point of updating it if nobody visits it?" Kyon shook his head in disbelief. I don't blame him.

"There's always a point to more exposure! The SOS Brigade is dedicated to helping the public with their mysterious experiences; we need to keep spreading the word!"

"Fine." Kyon grumbled and made his way over to the computer.

"Hey, Koizumi, grab the reflector board, we need to take some pictures of Mikuru in her new outfit!" Haruhi jumped off the chair and grabbed Mikuru's arm.

"But… but… Miss Suzumiya.. I… okay." Mikuru hung her head and I couldn't help but feel sorry for her. I rummaged around for the white board, and once I found it, seemingly nonchalantly followed Haruhi and Mikuru out of the door.

I really don't know why I'm still doing this.

After an hour or so photographing Mikuru Asahina in provocative poses, often against a blackboard or holding a pen and paper, we made our way back up to the clubroom. As I took my seat, I smiled and focused my attention on Mikuru.

"Miss Asahina,"

"Oh, um, yes, Koizumi? How can I… uh… help you?" she replied, seeming flustered.

"I was wondering if I could perhaps speak to you after we've finished club activities for the afternoon."

"That should be okay, I guess. You'll need to let me change out of Miss Suzumiya's outfit first though. What about?"

I glanced at Haruhi, and back at Mikuru. "It's uh…" I struggled for words. That's a first.

"Ohhh." Mikuru smiled uneasily. "I see."

"I'm glad you understand, Miss Asahina." My smile seemed permanently plastered to my face. She nodded at me, and bowed her head.

"We will talk after Haruhi leaves." She whispered.

"And Kyon, too." I replied, a little too loudly.

"Huh?" Kyon jumped up from the computer, startled. I think he may have been asleep. I smiled weakly at him, and shook my head. "It's nothing." I tried to sound reassuring. Kyon just grunted, as he does, and turned back to the computer.

I'm bored already. And my face hurts.

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><p><strong>Ahah, do you recognize the outfit that Asahina-san is wearing? Kekekeke~<strong>


	5. Chapter 4

"I'm so bored!" Haruhi Suzumiya shrieked. Her eyes darted around the room for a few seconds, and then put her hands on her hips. "You can all go home now." She picked up her bag and jacket and walked out of the clubroom "Last one out locks the door!" she sang as she left.

Yuki slowly closed her book and got up to leave.

"You aren't staying, Miss Nagato?" I asked her. I assumed that she would stay for mine and Mikuru Asahina's conversation. She shook her head, and made her way out of the room.

"I guess I'd better get going." Kyon grumbled and pushed his chair away from the computer. He paused at the door. "You aren't coming?"

"Um, no, uh, Koizumi and I, have to, uh-" Mikuru stuttered.

"Miss Suzumiya asked as to clean up the clubroom for her." I lied, then looked around at the impeccably clean space.

"Hmph." Kyon turned and left. I got up out of my chair and walked over to the window covering the back wall. Mikuru closed the door that Kyon had 'helpfully' left open for us.

"So."

"So." The fear in Mikuru's voice had instantly disappeared, and was replaced with a sort of… smug tone.

"I understand you are not entirely at ease with my company, Miss Asahina." I didn't turn from the window.

"Well, I do find it difficult to trust you." She said to my back.

"I know that." My positive, polite charade had already started to slip.

"Could we please get this over with? I promised to meet Tsuruya for a study session tonight."

"Then let's get straight to the point." I turned around to face her. "Ryouko Asakura has been regenerated."

"Yes,"

"After Yuki Nagato disconnected her for an attempted murder on Kyon's person."

"Yes,"

"And I have not been informed as to why she was given a second chance," I felt angry. "Come to think of it, I wasn't even informed of her regeneration in the first place."

"Yes, Koizumi, but as you know, you're only low-ranking in The Organization. You're not entitled to know everything." Mikuru tilted her head slightly to one side.

Yep, I was angry. Furious. "I am an esper with incredibly close ties to Haruhi Suzumiya, and the people around her. _How_ _does that not entitle me a right to know? I'm the one who has to go to every single god-damn closed space she creates and destroy the shinjin she conjures up each time! I'm the one who has to put up with her crap! The one who just sits there smiling the entire time!_" I felt my face go red. I'd just snapped and lost it at Mikuru Asahina, possibly the most easily frightened and emotional person in the school. I'd probably be getting a visit from Tsuruya soon, too.

Mikuru shuddered and cowered against the door. "I… I… I'll see what I can do, Koizumi…" she turned and fled out of the room.

I sunk into a chair and put my head in my hands. I'm losing it. I'm losing the plot. I don't think I've ever shouted like that before. To be honest, I can't even remember the last time I shouted at someone. It's not like I can even call her back to apologize. If it was anybody else…

If I'd yelled at Kyon, he probably would have been interested to see me going off my head. Pleasantly surprised, even. I'm sure that me smiling all of the time is slowly driving him insane.

If I'd yelled at Haruhi, she'd probably have rammed her pyramid paperweight down my throat. Or up my backside.

And if I'd yelled at Yuki, she would have stared back expressionlessly, and replying afterwards in her flat monotone of a voice.

But no, it had to be Mikuru I yelled at. She didn't even get a chance to change out of her 'teacher' outfit.

I slid the chair back with too much force, sliding it into the computer desk and almost knocking the screen over. I walked out of the room with my head down, making sure to lock the door. I really didn't want the paperweight shoved up my backside tomorrow.

I was halfway out of the school when I was stopped by a girl with green hair and a fang. Tsuruya. How the hell did she get here so fast?

She promptly kicked me – hard - in the crotch.

Ow.

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><p><strong>I want theories for how Tsuruya got there so fast. Your theory could become a sub-plot in this attrocity people call a story XD.<strong>


	6. NOTICE

**It's all gone, nyoro ==**

**I had written four absolutely gigantic chapters for this fanfiction over the past few days.**

**And my computer, my brand new, ridiculously expensive computer, technically speaking, shat itself.**

**My gorgeous shiny chapters are now floating in digital oblivion, even Yuki Nagato wouldn't be able to locate them..**

**I will make a half-hearted attempt to re-write.**

**Thanks for sticking by me ^^**


	7. Chapter 5

**I wrote this up really quick after I posted my notice before. Its not as long or as detailed as the original chapter, but hey, at least I got something up.**

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><p>Mikuru Asahina did not serve me a cup of tea the next day. Instead, she presented me with a cup of scalding water. I didn't know she could be so vindictive. I was promptly denoted from my position as deputy brigade-leader by Haruhi Suzumiya. I received the evil eye from Kyon. Yuki Nagato didn't treat me any different, but appeared to be a little wary of me.<p>

Apparently, the news of my outburst at Miss Asahina had been spread around the school. The girls, even those I didn't know, strayed from my path as I walked down the hallways, an almost unpleasant change from the hoards of girls who would stare, get flustered, flirt unsuccessfully and giggle at me. The boys would give me a look not very different from the one that Kyon was staring me down with. I didn't realize Mikuru was so popular.

"Would you like to play a game of Othello?" I offered Kyon.

"No." He turned his chair around to face away from me.

"Miss Nagato?" she looked up, shook her head and returned to her thick book.

"Miss Su-" I stopped abruptly. Like hell she'd play a game of _Othello _with _me_. "Miss Asa-" I stopped once again. Like she would, after what happened yesterday. I gave up on games.

I'm already frustrated at the fact that nobody wants anything to do with me. From the pupils in the morning to my fellow 'friends' in the clubroom this afternoon, the lack of attention was slowly driving me insane. The only proper contact I'd gotten with anyone I knew was a call from the Organization, informing me of a rather large closed space that had formed around lunchtime. I didn't bother to go and sort it out.

Wow, I really am frustrated. I want to _do _something. I want to do something mean, but not too mean. More of a prank, something to let out my frustrations. I want to do something to the SOS Brigade, the cause of my recent anger. I don't even understand the sudden urge to do something like this; I'm usually the 'nice guy' stereotype.

But, what should I do? I look around the room for ideas. Steal Haruhi's paperweight? Superglue all of Mikuru's cosplays to their hangers? Take Yuki's favourite book – but I don't know her favourite book, though. And what could I do to Kyon? Cover his seat with superglue? Or should I do something that'll affect all of them… at the same time?

I glanced at the door. Such a petty, overused scheme. But, nobody said I had to be unique. I fingered the clubroom key in my pocket. Haruhi never asked for it back after she left it for someone to lock the door with yesterday.

"Well, I'm going to call it a day." Nobody even looked up. I picked up my bag and pushed back my chair, feeling the grin widen on my face as the realization of what I was about to do kicked in. I walked slowly, and when I reached the door quickly flicked the deadlock. I winced at the noise, but not even Mikuru looked up.

I slipped out of the door, smiling smugly the whole way home.


End file.
